He reached me through another. One of my sisters posted the sweet, assuring words of Job 11:15-16
"Then you will hold your head high, free from fault. You will be firmly established and unafraid. For you will forget your suffering, recalling it only as waters that have passed by."
This promise was the only one that was able to pierce through my troubled, closed mind. My heart was breaking but I continued to think the same, unsure of how to stop. In that dark, heavy moment I was convinced that I had become the darkness and lost myself.
But He reached me. The hardness of my mind was penetrated and I felt His pure, unshaken love. I tasted the Light, and I was feeling His love again. I was determined to keep working on my freelancing job, but I knew that I needed to put it aside. I had been waiting for this moment, I had begged Him for my hope not to leave me, and He showed me much more than that. He showed me that He's in control, and that His beautiful, sweet, and all-powerful love never changed - and never will.
I felt Him. I thought and I planned to write it all. Then I felt Him whisper to me "shh...let this moment be ours". I write, I describe, and I share it all, yet this time He meant for it to be just mine. It's just He and I. He lovingly hushed me, and I answered in my surrender. I laid down my pencil and my need to control everything and I got lost in His sweet presence; in His overwhelming pursuit of me. I cried as my heart broke.
I don't know how long this feeling will last, or how long my mind will stay in this stable place. But I'm holding on in joyful tears to the promise that His love is here to stay, and that one day, my mind will be too.