My feelings scared me. It was even scarier to face the feelings that I allowed to come out, and then watch where they went. I was afraid to unwillingly follow them, to be controlled by their strength. I feel deeply and intensely, and my own strength always frightened me. When I felt I believed that it was the reality, so I judged myself, afraid of who I was and of whom I could become.
But in this moment I truly found myself. I decided to let the feeling come out. Anger showed its face, and I trembled as it made it’s way out of the gate. I choose not to follow, but to simply feel it’s great depths. Anger never felt so good, so freeing. I allowed myself to feel satisfied in the necessary state of anger. I found truth, I saw the light shining on that which I had reacted to yet unconsciously suppressed. The Truth. It sets you free.
I didn’t really know me because I hid my feelings so well. But we can never fool ourselves, for they will always find their way out. And my feelings found their way out. I had forced them back with clenched fits and a broken heart, but they squeezed out through my unconsciousness; manifesting into my emotional and physical world. I began to see and think in ways I dreaded, and the world around me became so dark. I unconsciously distorted everything I perceived and received. And my fear grew in the confusion and misunderstanding of what was happening.
Today I see the process. I understand that my heart has been calling out to me, trying to tell me something that for some reason I couldn’t hear.