Deeply far off yet perfectly placed; this is where the unknown is discovered and experienced. The world outside disappears and it’s only He and I. This is my place in which I find myself, where I need to go more often. Yet I let the distracting, daily needs get in the way to the point that I believe that I don’t need my place. The longer I stay away from my calling, the more other things, whether pleasing or not, make their way into that space. Yet our God is a Romantic Pursuer of His chosen ones. He reminds us of buried interests and calls yet others into being. He reveals dreams to the blind and hopeless heart covered in ashes of shame. And in one glance, in that glimpse full of fresh life, His breath blows over us, whispering: Arise, shake yourself from the dust and arise, my daughter.
For me, that instance exploded with a joy yet tasted, with a victorious confidence and freedom. This is what I want for my life, to be right at the core of my calling. This is who I was created to be! Yet it was just an instant. It was just a glimpse. And now the excitement of fresh motivation is evaporating into the air. My eyes no longer take pleasure in the new me, but are now fixed on the familiar darkness storming in. Heaviness. My slave master has returned, and he holds a mirror in my face, reminding me of who I always thought I was. No longer needing him to convince me, I rip it from his hands and hold it up myself. Looking into the mirror with distorted vision, I see that he is right. I criticize and judge myself; suffocating the life that had just filled my soul. I’ve taken my eyes off of my dreams and passions, and I begin to feel the strangely comfortable urge to keep myself in insecurity.
The true fight starts now. The dream was seen and my passionate purpose was felt, and now I must stand up and fight. I resist the longing to let it all disappear into fear, and I choose to stand up. I may fall, but I will get up again. I may not be there yet, but I will arrive.
Photo by the lovely @Alexandrasmacarons | www.alexandrasmacarons.com