remembering the victories in the midst of the storm

I’ve been healing and improving so well. I go about my day, randomly noticing the absence of the accusing thoughts. My oppressing companions that once dominated my every move have now been overtaken. Surprised, I begin to look for them, wondering why I’m not thinking them anymore. They haven’t been completely cleared out, but oh they’re on their way, and somehow I’ve taken possession and moved into the control. I’ve taken my place, and I’m not really sure how.

Victories are taking place and I’m making history, yet downfalls are still possible. Today, actually, these last few days have been exactly that. It’s a strange sensation of losing control, yet with a hovering knowledge that lies have been conquered. 

It’s so hard to understand which is which. It’s all happening so fast and I don’t know where to turn. I struggle to decipher what is emotional, mental, or side affects from meds. I’m trying to put the pieces together; to make sense out of the craziness that goes on in my mind. It’s already mentally exhausting enough to feel it all, and now trying to unravel and understand the buried, original thoughts behind my racing mind and feelings only pushes me to my limits. Yet I call to mind the truth of where I am, of how far I’ve come, and of the freedom and space I have within and around me due to the old that has been moved out. I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing and I’ll keep fighting, challenging and resisting the thoughts that I myself create.