I have dropped four milligrams and with just six more to go I’m almost half way there. This was joyous news and a huge accomplishment for me, but I also knew what I was about to face. Being ready to withdraw from meds meant being able and willing to endure the side affects of withdraw. It’s a sensation that comes all too fast, one of not having that support beneath you and like you’re about to fall off the cliff of mental stability.
But I chose it. I dreamt and prayed for this day and boldly walked on, knowing what was just a few steps ahead. And it’s coming.
A wave is roaring in from the distance, carrying the thoughts and fears I have been pondering and fighting somewhere there far off. It’s huge in size and coming quickly, but I’m unafraid and actually happy. I’m happy because I’m ready, I know that victory awaits me on the other side. I feel prepared to endure its force crash in over me, and I know that the time has come to face all that’s been foaming there within. I want to see it and name it and call it out. I will own it for what it was but I will stand tall as I watch it crash by.
I’ve already been in over my head, but it won’t knock me down, not this time, because I am stronger now and I’ve got something to give. Instead of being continuously whipped down with each attempt to get back up, I know that this one will crash right over. And when it crashes past, that’s where it will remain, dead on the shores of my new foundation - my irrevocable knowledge of the Truth.
Yes, it’s nearness doesn’t mean my end, but how close I am to being free.